Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn"t even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don"t know which side to write the other 5!

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That"s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it.

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress: Oh, that"s okay. The soup isn"t hot.

The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...

A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?

Teacher: Did you father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

In a restaurant:

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it"s about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it"s a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Two factory workers are talking.
The  first man says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The second man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The first man says, "Just wait and see." He then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The firstman replies, "I"m a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You"ve been working so much that you"ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow him and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I"m going home, too. I can"t work in the dark."

A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What"s his name?
A: I don"t know. I can"t understand a word he says.

The First 3 Years of Marriage

• In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
• In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
• In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen